Ramblings to my self

First off I am looking to get any sympathy from anyone, I just feel in my heart to work through something I need to write it down so what better place to do it.

I feel like the memory of my son's 1st birthday is tainted with the the site in my mind of my mother and I "having words" while us and others were trying to clean up after the party. She said to me with a not some nice tone in her voice that there had not been a picture taken with her and the king. Fire instantly shot through me cause I remember having taking several pictures of her and him before his party even started. I looked at her and said " well lets take a picture then" I was a little irritated cause I was tired. I had put this whole thing together and made all the cakes, food and now someone wants to complain about a picture not being taken. It took a lot out of me to just walk away but I did. ( his party was at the fire station where my hubs is vol fire fighter) I walked away in to the kitchen to finish cleaning up so all of us could leave. There were several of my family members that we still there as well as her friend that had come with her. Next thing I know she walks into the kitchen after me tell me that we need to talk , I told her there was nothing to talk about. She asked the few ppl that were in the kitchen to leave so we could talk and so they did and I followed behind them. She followed me AGAIN! I am not one that like confrontation and I just did not want to deal with her. She then tells me that I dont need to talk to her the way I did and such. honestly I really dont remember what all was said between the two of us but the next thing I know the hubs is there and tells her this is not the time or place to be doing this. ( to me it was disrespectful to the king, this was his day , as well as to the other ppl that were still there) I walked outside and talked to a few family members that were outside that she had asked to leave from the kitchen.

 About 15 mins later I go back into the kitchen to again finish up trying to get stuff cleaned up and she comes in there and tell me that when I want to talk like an adult then to call her. If that is how adults talk to her then I have no reason to talk to her. My friends and I dont talk to each other like how she talks to me.

Several things had bothered me before this even went down first off. I had wanted to have my wedding at the country club close to my house and she talked me into having it at the Ruritan Club down by here. I wish I had stood up to her and just had my wedding where I wanted to have it!!! Then at the wedding she was so drunk( I had a dry wedding) and she was crying her eyes out and was such an embarrassment to me! There was no need to be drunk. Anyone that knows my mom know that she is very controlling person. I had planned to just get the ballons blown up for the kings party at the local grocery store but that was not good enough for her. she would not give up about the fact that she had a small tank that she could bring with her and blow the ballons up for the party with that. I knew that that small tank would not take care of all the ballons that I had and what do you know it did not!! So now I have a bunch of ballons that have a number one of them. Then when the king was opening his presents, well me and the hubs were helping him. She stood behind me the whole time controlling the whole thing. I am well over the age of 18 and do not need my mothers help with everything. We still have not talked and it has been well over  a week. I have prayed so much about this and had wondered should I call her but I dont want to talk to her, I feel like there is nothing to say. I was right. I walked away, she is the one that kept coming after me!!! UGH I have been in such a rut and it was starting to show in how I was treating the hubs. I was getting so short with him today and that is not like me. I love my mom dearly but I think she needs to work on her and heal her hurt and anger and then her and I can move on with our relationship. I pray for her everyday that the lord will work in her life and she will turn her life back over to the Lord! I know no matter what that I have the best little boy and hubs that anyone could ask for. Im looking forward to the day that when I think back to the kings birthday that I dont think about what also happened after his party!!!

I love you Mom and always will!